Harry's Horror Haircut
by Pjazz
Summary: Snape decides Harry's hair is too long and orders him to get it cut. Ron and Hermione help out, but their magic goes awry.


Harry's Horror Haircut  
  
A Harry Potter fanfic by Pjazz  
  
2003  
  
It happened in Potions class. Bad things tended to happen to him more often in Potions than any other lesson at Hogwarts, Harry thought. It didn't help that Professor Snape, the Potions teacher, loathed him or that the Slytherins, led by Draco Malfoy, shared their house master's intense hatred of Harry, and never missed an opportunity to let him know it.  
  
Snape was prowling the desks when Harry sensed him come up behind. The bad smell was a giveaway.   
  
"Hmmm, your hair's getting very long, Potter," Snape observed malevolently. "Much longer and you'll need pigtails."  
  
The Slytherin tables exploded with laughter. Draco Malfoy's the loudest of all.  
  
"I've been meaning to get it cut, sir," Harry explained. It was true. He had. But other things, especially Quidditch practice, kept getting in the way.  
  
"See you do. Or I'll perform a hair cutting charm on you myself. Can't have boys looking like girls. Not in my class."  
  
"Oh do it, sir!" urged Malfoy maliciously. "I'd love to see Potter with a really short buzz cut."  
  
Harry blanched. He could just imagine the haircut Snape would give him. He'd be left nearly bald. Or else have different size tufts sticking up at odd angles. He'd be the laughing stock of the school. What Cho would think Harry didn't dare imagine.  
  
"No. I think Potter is capable of a simple hair cutting spell. But I warn you, Potter, if I see you with unkempt hair again, I will act."  
  
* * *  
  
"He's got a nerve. Snape's got the worst hair in school. All lank and greasy Yuk!" Ron complained as he, Harry and Hermione reconvened in an empty room during break. That was the great thing about Hogwarts School of Magic. You could always find an empty room. They would appear and disappear in an instant.  
  
"I've never actually performed a hair cutting spell," said Hermione, pursing her lips thoughtfully. "I always get mine done at the barbers during the hols."  
  
"Barbers? What's that?" asked Ron curiously.  
  
"A barber is someone who cuts hair for a living," Hermione explained.  
  
"Why doesn't he use a charm - like my mum?"  
  
"Because he's a muggle, silly." Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry, who privately agreed. Rom could be pretty thick at times. He knew very little of the muggle world.  
  
"Aunt Petunia usually does mine. With a pudding basin," said Harry ruefully. "She forgot this summer."  
  
"It can't be that hard. Let me have a go." Hermione produced her wand." Hirsutus minimus!"  
  
Harry felt a tingling in his scalp. "Did it work?"  
  
"Er, sort of" Ron told him.  
  
Harry moved to look in an old mirror propped against the wall. He know had long black hair past his shoulders.  
  
"I think I overdid it a bit," admitted Hermione. "Sorry, Harry."  
  
"You think? What is she like? Give it here." Ron waved his wand. "Hirsutus reductus!"  
  
Harry felt the tingling again. His hair was now a greasy black quiff.  
  
"You look like Elvis Presley!" laughed Hermione.  
  
Ron looked puzzled. "Elvis who?"  
  
"A famous muggle singer."  
  
"Never heard of him. Hirsutus reductum plenum!"  
  
Now Harry was totally bald except for a black mohican crest that ran from the bridge of his nose to the back of his neck.  
  
Hermione tried again. "Hirsutus fecundis!"  
  
Harry felt his hair grow beyond his shoulders, down past his knees to pool around his ankles in thick waves. And it was blond.  
  
Harry had had enough. He flourished his own wand just as Ron and Hermione raised theirs.  
  
The spells met simultaneously in the air just in front of his face. There was a blinding flash of white light.  
  
"Blimey, that was a close one," said Ron, waving away the clouds of smoke.  
  
"Oh no! cried Hermione, helplessly waving her wand. "My wand's not working. It's short-circuited. Harry and Ron confirmed theirs were inoperative too.  
  
"They'll recharge naturally, I think. But not for about a day."  
  
"A day? But what about my hair? I can't walk around the school looking like this."  
  
"Perhaps you could hide it under a hat?" Suggested Hermione.  
  
"It'd need to be a blooming big hat," said Ron sceptically.  
  
"We need to find Professor MacGonagall quickly. She'll know what to do."  
  
The journey through the Hogwart's corridors was fraught with anxiety and danger. Ron and Hermione carried Harry's long hair behind him like a train. All three were vigilent for signs of nearby teachers - especially Snape. Harry could just imagine what Snape would say and do if he caught Harry looking like this. But they finally reached Professor MacGonagall's office without incident. Harry knocked tentatively on the oak door.  
  
"Enter."  
  
They went in. Professor MacGonagall was seated behind her desk. "Good lord, Potter. What have you been doing?"  
  
"We tried a hair cutting spell, but it didn't work properly."  
  
"So I see. Hirsutus status quo!"  
  
Harry's long mane of blond hair vanished to be replaced by his previous shaggy haircut.  
  
"Professor Sanpe won't like it." opined Hermione." It's as long as it was before."  
  
"Leave that to me, Miss Granger," said Professor MacGonagall, suddenly producing a pair of scissors from the folds of her cloak.  
  
"You're going to use scissors? Not magic?"  
  
"Certainly, Weasley. Sometimes muggle ways are the best way. Now, you two go on to class.  
  
Potter, sit very still."  
  
Harry emerged twenty minutes later, his hair considerably shorter and neater. Professor MacGonagall had done a good job with the sharp scissors. Harry was especially relieved his ears were still attached to his head.  
  
Just then a group of Ravenclaw girls passed by, amongst them the familiar face of Cho Chang.  
  
"Nice haircut, Harry. Really suits you," said Cho, her pretty features split by an admiring smile.   
  
"Thanks," Harry mumbled after the giggling Ravenclaw girls.   
  
The walk back to class was a long one. But Harry didn't mind.   
  
It felt like he was walking on air.  
  
THE END  
  
***  
  
Enjoy the story? Let me know at pjazzer2000@yahoo.co.uk  
  
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